And thus we have moved forward. Lan has been in surgery for 30 minutes now. I wonder what is happening in the operating room as I compose my thoughts.
Lan was a trooper, far more ready than I had even imagined. How would we have known that the child with overwhelming and paralyzing timidity and anxiety that we brought home from China would march forward with such determination and courage? It built step above small, sometimes faltering step, and she arrived at this point prepared to face this pain and the loss.
We have been preparing for this day for years and actively getting ready since this past January. We had the professional photos done, we talked extensively about what was ahead. We had intended to have an impression made of her foot but hadn’t coordinated that yet so when the phone call came on Monday 4/14 that her surgery was being moved up and we needed to be in Salt Lake City THE NEXT DAY to check in at Shriner’s we had to scramble!
As it worked out, we called our dentist and he told us he would be happy to help and to bring Lan in the following morning before we left for Salt Lake and he would make the impression. When we arrived there all the assistants in the office lined up to help mix the geltate and give Lan encouragement. The impression turned out impressively! And it is even in Lan’s favorite color. It is amazing to me the detail of each tiny line and bump and toenail. I can hold it in my hand like I often did her foot. It gives ME comfort to have something to handle and hold that I have loved so much for so long and now, which is gone. While it may sound creepy to some, I’m really glad that we have this.
We had a goodbye party for her baby foot Monday night. Ginger and her family came over and all the Ellison children took turn signing their names on it. It gave them all a chance to touch it and hold it for the final time. And Lan was all smiles throughout. We wrapped up that baby foot with all our love for Lan and added support for the trials that are ahead for her. We have a long road still before us.
We had intended for Stephen to take the week off from work and stay with the children except for today when he would come up very early and spend the day with us. That ended up not happening as after getting Ammon off the bus yesterday, our boy had a very intense seizure. Stephen had to use the rectal valium we were given for such situations and Ammon finally stopped seizing. But, we don't feel he can make the drive here or be left in Cedar City without a parent. Yesterday is also the 4 year anniversary of his finding day. Perhaps his body remembers that very stressful day in his life? He has been very good with seizures since the Life Flight but yesterday was another biggie.
It is now an hour and a half since Lan went into surgery. I would imagine her baby foot is now gone..... how will she respond when the thought of no foot becomes a reality?
10 comments:
Dear Stefani,
Please keep us posted as you get updates--we're keeping Lan and the entire Ellison family in our prayers here in NC.
Fondly, Kelly and the rest of the Henry clan (including that imp, Jake!)
Stefani,
Praying for you guys! I know it's uncharted territory, but to see how Lan has gone through this with such grace and a level of adultness even you are surprised at, it's totally God!
We are especially praying for after surgery when she sees "no baby foot".
Love you guys! *we'll keep reading*
Kristen Iversen and the "fun bunch"
OH WOW! That is precious. Thank you for posting. I am sorry to hear about Ammon's seizure. I will keep checking for updates. Praying for your sweety. Angel
Stefani, you have maintained so much love for your children when you could easily have succumbed to fear. Lan has obviously inherited that trait from you. Good luck to both of you.
-kale, Mama to Quinn from 04
Am so glad to have found your blog. Will be praying for Lan and your family. You are an amazing mom to such wonderful children.
Stefani,
I just sit here in tears for Lan and her baby foot that has served her so well in her life, for Ammon, for you, for Stephen. I so wish that I lived close so that I could be there to do something/anything to help.
Please know that each and every Ellison from the largest to the smallest is in my prayers today.
Thank you so much for taking the time to keep all of us informed.
Love you!
Sharon
Dear Lan -
I don't know if you will remember me, but I am your camping buddy and friend to your Mama. I think you are so brave, strong, and grown-up in how you are dealing with these big happenings in your life! I loved your sweet baby foot and I have pictures of you walking in the creek when we were camping. I look forward to your having a new creek-stomping foot to try out! You might not feel like it this summer. But, next summer I will have to come see you and watch you RUN and JUMP and PLAY with your new foot! You are a Wonder. No matter what. You are a Gift and a Treasure. I am so thankful that your Mama and Daddy share you with your extended CHI "family." I am so lucky to be able to spend time with you camping in the summer. You are AMAZING! Keep on being strong. Also, be real. And, be honest. Feel the feelings that you really feel. You have all the love around you in your big and happy family! Make them wait on you! :-) Get well quickly. You are my HERO!! Lots of love from Colorado, Holly (Mom to May, Jane and Irene)
Just wanted to send prayers your way!!
Lan - I hope you get better soon! I went to the hospital when I was little and they gave me lots of ice cream! Do they have a fun playroom there? I hope so!! I can't wait to see you with your new foot!!
Amy in Arizona
I just pray for your whole family to get through this with the grace and love you all seem to have in abundance. I hope Lan feels better soon. You are so creative and thoughtful in how you said goodbye to her baby foot. I know Lan will really enjoy her future with out limitations.
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