More fall fun....

Our first Paiute Pow Wow and ready for the opening day of SNOWBOARDING at Brian Head.

Fall pictures of Ellison odds and ends

Ammon's 2nd Adoption Birthday

And thus today marks the second anniversary of the moment we met the living, breathing, exhausting and in constant motion Ammon at the Civil Affairs offices in Hefei, Anhui, China. We got off the elevator and caught a quick glimpse of him dashing down the hallway with a caregiver in hot pursuit. He was trying to break away to the stairwell and get the heck out of Dodge. As I think about that meeting it exhausts me as if it were just yesterday....but then, just yesterday he was exhausting me too! No wonder I'm able to tap that feeling so instantly.

I have thought back through the past two years as anniversary dates lead us to do, and in some ways I see such growth. Physically he seems to get taller and his pants much shorter before my eyes. We put his adoption day clothes back on him and its startling to see how much he has grown. (I am finally updating our blog at www.ammonsadventures.blogspot.com He can run without falling so much, he doesn't spill EVERY time he touches a bowl or a cup, he has more emotions than just happy or angry, he can draw circles and attempt to write his name, he understands that the writing in books is supposed to be words, he has fallen in love with Cars, Dora, Diego, and especially the Little Einsteins. He remembered Jingle Bells way from last year! He can help load the dishwasher and does it better than his older siblings. And, he gets the GREATEST joy out of taking each cart in the parking lot and making sure they are all neatly lined up in the cart return. Needless to say, I cringe if when we pull into the supermarket parking lot there are carts scattered throughout. I know we will be there a LONG time. Please, for the sake of families with children like mine, put your cart neatly into the cart return!

But in other ways, it seems as if we have made very little progress. I honestly share with you that at times it can be daunting to consider that we are at the two year mark and that he is still so very behind his development. I held him on my lap today and I told him I was so pleased to have him home and asked him if he remembered China. He looked back at me and mimicked, " 'Member China?" What his memories are I can't ascertain because with his severe language delay I don't know what memories are still locked in his brain. He has a very good visual memory so perhaps they exist, but for actual life memories, what is stored there?

His seizures continue. He had one at school again yesterday. Its happening more often again. Each time his brain suffers those debilitating electrical storms it wipes out his short term memory. It can injure his brain and scar the healthy tissue. It can cause permanent disability. It can kill him. It makes me weep with sadness and worry.

But then, we see every single day a smile that zaps us right to the heart. We have learned to cherish each small step, each skill learned, each word added to his vocabulary, each moment we get to share with him. Has it been easy? There is nothing easy about Ammon except his smile, his hearty chuckle and the hugs that he shares with all he meets. Two years ago today I did not comprehend the changes his addition in our lives would bring to us. We see the world through different eyes. Never did we imagine how he would change us, how our priorities would have to change. In some ways our lifestyle has been severely restricted. Very little restaurants and leisure shopping for us! We can't be anywhere that is more than 15-20 minutes from a hospital in case Ammon stops breathing. And I've had to sacrifice on a personal and professional level. Its not at all that our friends have deserted us, they have been incredibly supportive, but I'm so much more limited in my time and energy. It makes me feel sadness, guilt and yes loneliness that I can't keep the connection to my friends and my extended family that I wish I could.

But in other ways we have been freed. We can appreciate small pleasures. We have had to slow down. We have had to simplify. We've learned that we have to say "NO!" to other responsibilities. (I've never been very good at that.) We have had to come face to face with the reality that any seizure at any moment on any day can take our son from us. I am determined that we will live a life with no regrets in terms of Ammon. Should he leave us too early we are committed to looking back and knowing that a full life was lived; that we made the moments matter.

I do not know what to expect in the next year, even the next month, but we will take each day as it comes, bless it, and deal the best with whatever transpires.