A year ago tonight, Daddy, Lan and Mommy ate dinner at the rotating restaurant of the Holiday Inn in Hefei, Anhui province. We looked out over the twinkling lights below and imagined what the next 24 hours would bring. We knew the a whole lifetime would change before we were back to eat dinner again. We were going to meet our Ammon the next morning at 9 am at the Civil Affairs building.
On this Sunday Eve of this first adoption anniversary I look back on that Sunday Eve of Adoption Day. Had we known then what we know now, would have moved forward? Would we choose to do it again? Back that night we officially knew that Ammon had seizures and had learned unofficially that Ammon was a little behind in his language. When nobody had requested to review "Gregory" Group 12 and 13's file, and it was due back to the CCAA, our family decided that we would be his family. We had to fight CIS to get approval to bring him home. During the wait we learned that his SWI had no water, little food, no refridgerator, no washer, no safe cribs, no medicine and were able to immobilize the adoption community to dig a well and together literally save children's lives. Then our TA didn't come with the rest of our group and we watched them leave without us. It was a struggle at every step to get him home. How wise God was to make us fight....or we might have turned tail and run. I guess we had to prove that we were committed to this little boy.
At Adoption Day we did not know that he only had 10 words in his vocabulary and only five were recognizable by the Chinese. His favorite word was Da Shi Ya! Basically that meant, "watch out because I'm about to fight". He was absolutely out of control. He was hysterically panicked at being in any closed room, hotel and elevator included. He wouldn't go to bed. He ran from table to table in the restaurants grabbing food off other's plates. He could not stay still...remember how all his pictures have him a "blur" as he was always on the move. He absolutely would tolerate no restraints like a seatbelt. We didn't ever for a moment consider not bringing him home but from the very beginning we had no idea how on earth we would get him on a plane and all survive the flight.
We didn't know then that when we were to arrive in Guangzhou later that week that our guide Connie, who has helped hundreds of children newly adopted by their families, would crown him "the naughtiest boy she had ever seen join a family".
This was before we even knew about the arachnoid cyst on his left cranial fossa. Or that he would have serious blood issues that would require multi-weekly monitoring, that he would be a full two years developmentally below his chronological age, that he would still not be potty trained, that he would still have such little language, that he would have full blown temper tantrums with his first line of defense being head butting whomever tried to help hold him, that he would have so many quirky behaviors that put him on the austistic spectrum, that he would just now be learning how to play with "friends", that we would still be seeing seizures multiple times a week that we still haven't been able to control. That we would be on his third medicine and still no resolution.
Would we do it again? Would we have made a different choice knowing what we know now?
I hope we would have made the same choice. Since we didn't have that choice to make I cannot say for sure what we would have done. But then we wouldn't have known the infectious smile that brings people to love and want to protect him. We wouldn't have known the compassion and experience he was blessed our family with. The other day my high schooler had a peer fall into a seizure. While the class and teacher were frozen with fear she took over and confidently stood watch until he stopped seizing. My children reach out more to the "odd" the children who dance to a completely different song than the rest of the world hears. Ammon has touch us to see joy in the every day. A set of paper clips or clay dough can bring squeals of delight. He reminds us that humans are marvelous beings and that every little achievement should be cheered and savored. He has taught us to laugh....to appreciate the miracle of life and the worth of EVERY soul. He has taught us to love. Not one person gets to enter or depart his presence without a big kiss and hug.
It is with great pride that we share that our son Ammon who will 5 years old in February, is starting to understand language. Not English in specific but language in general. He is now understanding that language has power, that with language he can control his world. He has always been good about imitating language we model, but in just the past few weeks he has started showing spontaneous speech! Here are some examples of what we now hear from him, "I hungry, Yum, Here LanLan, beepbeeps (cars), help, excuse me, thank you, LanLan hit me, mine, stop, bless you, say prayers, ride bike, helmet, where's my shoes?". He was able to make a full sentence when baby Haydin was hear and tried to get into his precious cars. He took his car basket and said, "Mama, Help! Beepbeep up!" as he pointed to the top of the dresser!! And last night I said to LanLan, "I love you!" and he looked at me and said, "No, I love you". He was trying to tell me that I forgot to tell him that I love him too. He know can call of us by our names. That was huge! Every big person was "Ma" but now I have become Mommy. I am the only Mommy. And on his sweet sister Makayla's 19th birthday on Halloween, he called her by her name for the very time. How many other 4 year old can give a gift to their big sister than brings her to tears?
We still fight the seizure demon. He still has them multiple times a week, sometimes multiple times a day. The other day we were out hanging Christmas lights and he was playing in the driveway only 10 feet from us. He went into a seizure and we didn't notice. We didn't know. The pain it brings my heart to look and see him on the ground, alone, fighting the demon in quiet isolation stabs my heart like nothing else. It makes me, his father, all his siblings, his bus aides, and his teachers all extremely protective of him. He had his school picture taken and was so very handsome!! Just 15 minutes later at the snack table he feel into a seizure and I went to the school to bring him home. His little friends were so concerned. They rounded up his backpack and patted his hand. Ammon is teaching them too. He had a seizure in the bath for the first time. He fell forward and even though my husband was right there sitting on the toilet, Ammon swallowed some water. Will we be watching him bathe when he is 30?
I've put new pictures on the blog. Every Adoption Birthday we put the clothes are children came to us back on so we can see how much they have grown. Ammon has grown so much that we can't even get the straps over his shoulders! I've included some pictures of 1 year ago and then of tonight and his school picture. I have to say that his had sewn, multiply patched and darned padded pants and jacket should be included in a cultural museum. They certainly speak volumes of the life that was his while he wore those clothes.
http://ammonsadventures.blogspot.com/
Sometimes I worry myself thinking of all the things he can't do. What it will like for him if he has to live with us his whole life? Then I have to step back and think...well, he loves to help me cook. I'll teach him to cook and he can cook for me when I'm old. That will be a good trade off! But truly, what I want most for my children is that they feel good about themselves, that they know how to give and receive love, and that they are happy. Well, Ammon has this mastered. What more could I dream for?
