Mama is GRUMMMMMMPPPPPYYYYYY

I'm posting a storm advisory, predicting a huge meltdown on my part.....UGH!

We are now at day 93 from our dossier log in and travel approval. It has been taking about 8 weeks for this process in the past but you know me, every line I get it undoubtedly becomes the longest. We are up to 12 weeks now. We just got stuck in a processing delay. These things happen in adoption and I am stuck in very good company. We all wait for that envelope to arrive from China telling us we are FINALLY free to travel.

From here on out is just gets to be basic survival, hanging on by our fingernails to our patience and our sanity. So if I come across as being grumpy at any point....I AM GRUMPY!! But I've watched this enough in the last 10 years to know that we too will move forward and get to China and adopt our children, but it never makes this part of the process "comfortable". Please remind me if I am sounding cheeky. I just have lost my patience.

And I also know there are much worse things that could be happening than waiting for a TA. Two Saturday's ago my cousin's 17 year old bright and accomplished daughter Sarah was killed instantly when her friend rolled the car they were in. Who would have thought attending a Mary Kay party would end up with tragedy? Sarah's grandmother, my aunt Joyce, was away helping care for another granddaughter Gabby who is 14 years old and currently preparing for surgery to have her cancerous leg amputated. At best Gabby will just lose the leg, at worse she may also lose her life as she has an aggressive form of cancer.

We know that the process is moving as quickly as it can at the CCAA and we just need to wait our turn. So while we wait we decided to sponsor a little boy from Ammon's SWI. He is called "Paul" to protect his privacy and he is also 3 years old. We have been sponsoring Ammon but he is going to be coming home so we felt we wanted to keep donating that $35 a month, less than one family outing to our local Chinese buffet, to give him a chance to live in a family and have one on one care. I'm adding his pictures. We believe he must be a friend to Ammon. We will receive photos and a report every 3 months. This makes us very happy.

Huh........I was so hopeful we would have that TA last Friday. We'll hope again for this week.

Our TA is in the print room!!

How about that!!! Charlene sent us an email this morning that said, "Your TA is in the print room". This means that our TA, or permission to travel, may even be here by Friday. We can't even wait for that golden ticket to arrive.

We sent off our visa applications last week and should get those back in a few days. Your suitcases are packed. We just need a Consulate appointment so we can know when we are going and BUY OUR TICKETS.

We anticipate that if the TA arrives this week that we could get the 11/20 Consulate appointment. We could return home on 11/22 BUT that puts us right into Thanksgiving travel on the airlines. Or we could choose to be in the province for Thanksgiving and have the Consulate appointment 11/27. Either way it is looking like the biggest wish of our hearts, to be with you for Thanksgiving, is going to come true.

We have waited and waited for this time to come and it looks like it is soon to be happening!!!!

Hello, my name is Stefani and I have TABS

Yes, yes, it is true. Far too true. Have you ever heard of someone being adle brained? Well, I have the temporary form of it and it is called TAdle Brain Syndrome or TABS for short. This affliction follows Fotki Syndrome and months and months of waiting in limbo for that magic "golden ticket" called a TA (Travel Approval).

Just as with a computer tab key that skips spaces TABS make the brain skip places. While you may appear to others as completely coherent, your brain is really on standby and not computing. Its aptly named because you can't keep tabs on your keys, your car space in the Walmart parking lot, or the names of your kids even when you are looking right at them and know full well who they are.

In just the past two days TABS has sent me in circles.

1. I had to go to the store to specifically buy milk. I went to store, purchased 2 gallons of milk and $93 worth of other food stuffs, loaded my car, went home. Upon arriving home discovered that I had left the milk jugs in my cart in the parking lot. TABS....its TABS.

2. That same day I referred to Baby Blu on the home page as Spring when I knew she was really Keely in Group 12 because I had given her that very name. TABS...its TABS.

3. I called for help with my blog because I couldn't see my recent posts. Apparently all I needed to do was to hit refresh on the blog homepage because my browser was holding onto a cached version. Vioala! Now I can see it. The explanation was clearly in the help section that one of you so graciously let me know. TABS...its TABS.

4. I put the eggs in the pantry and the dog food in the fridge. TABS...its TABS.

It matters not how many times one waits for TA, TABS is a given. When a mother knows her child is waiting and that the TA call is due ANY DAY, there is nothing to be done but admit that she has it and for others in her presence to share that knowing look and whisper to each other, "She can't help it. TABS...its TABS."

The First Time Ever We Saw Your Face...

When I first saw these photos my heart skipped a beat as your smile just sparkled! I didn't know then that you would be my son. In fact, it would take 6 more months before that would become clear to our family. But this is the face we first saw. Look how you have grown in the past year.

Mama

Our Little Boy Blue

LITTLE BOY BLUE

Written by his expectant mother Stefani on the day his referral was accepted. References are made to his growth report written by his concerned SWI caregivers:

“When Ling first came to our SWI at 15 months old, he was quite dissocial. He usually walked by himself and had no interest in toys. He would find the leaf or a small feather on the floor and play with those instead for a very long time. He could play with a 10cm feather for hours. He liked sitting and lying alone. Because of this, we paid more attention to him, and made special food plans for him to strengthen his nutrition. We gave him therapy and tried to direct him consciously, letting him play with other children and we prevented him from infantile autism.”

Little Boy Blue
Come blow your horn
There’s a story to tell you
Of how your family was born.

It started...

Little Boy Sad
So much to mourn
Frightened and hungry
Grieved and forlorn

Little Boy Lost
Confused and withdrawn
No Mama, no Baba
No place to belong

Little Boy Lonely
Isolated, undefended
Small leaves and soft feathers
Forlornly befriended

Little Boy Tentative
So much long unspoken
Timidly voicing your wants
The silence now broken

Little Boy Brave
Once again filled with hope
That others would help you
They’d reach you, you’d cope

Little Boy Smiling
The solitude ends
Finally, joining the circle
Of welcoming friends

Little Boy Found
Yes, yes, it is true!
A family is ready
To welcome just you

Little Boy Chosen
Precious YOU are the one
Proud parents announce
“You’re forever our son!”

Little Boy Loved
With a passion extreme
Until they arrive
Dream, baby boy, dream.

Your new foster Mama

Ammon, my son, we received an updated photo of you from the foundation which has sponsored you in foster care. You have now left the SWI to live with a foster family. You are the oldest child now waiting for your forever family to arrive as all your little friends have been adopted by their families or are in foster care because they have been sick and need extra attention. We hoped to get to you sooner but we are stuck waiting for TA.

Apparently, you love to go outside to the courtyard and "are very resistant to coming back inside". I'm reading between the lines that you love the outdoors and when its time to go inside you may even throw a tantrum to show your disapproval! We have all kinds of playthings outside and you'll have many chances for that when you get home.

So, until then you are with a foster Mama. We look at and look at your new picture. As it opened on our computer screen these were the thoughts that went through my mind, "Oh my gosh! Look at your hair! It is getting so long. You have grown so much, everything I have packed I think is too small. Your feet!! Are the shoes I bought going to fit?! And that shirt! How you must love that shirt. Each time you get a picture taken you are wearing that very same shirt. Perhaps it is your special shirt for nice occasions? Perhaps you feel awfully nice when you put it on? Look at your foster Mama look at you....what is she thinking? She looks kind and with enough energy to let you run and play. What are YOU thinking? You still have that ever present smile on your face but does it look a bit hesitant to anyone but me? You are clutching your snacks...does that make you feel safe? Do you have enough to eat? I wish you were home with us. I wish you were home."

We have your photo along with the others on the fridge and on my screensaver. We look at you and think of you countless times a day little son. Lan misses you and says its so boring with you not here. Do you know she plans to marry you when you both grow up? Someday she'll die of embarrassment when we remind her of that but for now we know that means she loves you. We all do.

Mama

I finally pulled out the Halloween decorations...BOOOOOOOOOO

Well, this may not sound like an emotional deal to have to decorate for Halloween but for me this year it was. You see, I was so hopeful that we would be in CHINA for Halloween adopting Ammon (rhymes with Salmon) and I would be able to help with the LWB cleft trip to Hefei the first week of November. It would have worked out perfectly to do both. I didn't want to decorate (we get very much into decorating for every season at our house,)and then have Halloween still haunting around my house when Thanksgiving, then Christmas arrived. Changing the decor will the last on my priority list after arriving home I am positive.

But, I finally have had to admit that my Travel Approval (TA) won't be here but I will. Ouch-o-rama.

So at the Ellison house we are moaning and groaning right along with the witches and ghosts that adorn our front yard as we wait for that tardy TA to arrive. And its good to know that those of us that are waiting and get delayed are in good company. Our own governor of Utah just got delayed in his travel to India to adopt his newest daughter and take his 7 year old Gracie Mei back to China for a homeland visit. Though Madonna seemed to be able to have special consideration and has completed a quick adoption from Africa. Sorry Ammon, in so many ways, your mother is no Madonna but I am trying to get you home.

Moon Festival, and we are still apart

Written the morning of 10/6 as with the time change the Chinese were celebrating the Moon Festival.

Right now across China, families are gathered to view the Harvest Moon and think about their families present and far away, to reflect on their family line and thank their ancestors. Tonight there will be children who may not know it but who have families in the United States and abroad who are longing to hold them in their arms the way they now hold them in their hearts. We send are kisses to the winds tonight for them and hope they can feel our deepest love for them as we wait to be united.

There are also children who belong to no family tonight. Let us hold them too in our hopeful heart caresses and wish for them that they too will have a family next year with whom to break moon cakes and view the debut of the Harvest Moon.
LWB has invited us all to our porches and pastures tonight to view the moon in all its splendor and to think about the children who wait, and particularly those in XiaoXian Social Welfare Institution who we support as our own. We rallied for them, we raised funds for basic life rights of water and food, and we continue to worry over them as their cyber angels. Please go to the link and marvel at their fattened faces and know that this is because of YOU and YOUR sacrifices and acts of caring.

Tonight the Ellison family will gather on our porch and make our special wishes to the Moon Lady, who is the granter of special requests each year on this night. We will write our wishes on papers and burn them and celebrate our own blessing of family as the smoke of our special wishes mingles with the smoke of Lan's 5th birthday candles. We will share our thanks for the blessing of Lan and each of our 12 children and our grandson who is waiting to be born in January. And we will blow a wish to our son who waits for us in Xiaoxian. We will wish for speed in receiving our TA, for quick appointment at the Consulate and for smooth travel to China. But mostly we will send our wishes on this night that our son can know in his tiny heart that his family knows him, loves him, and longs for him. The world is bigger than him and the Moon tonight presides over it all and confirms that all will be well. All will be right.


http://www.lovewithoutboundaries.com/Xiaoxian_nutrition.php


"Every Child Counts"

http://www.childrenshouseinternational.com

It is October 7, 2006 and today Ammon's Adventures blog was created but Ammon himself and his place in our family was born long before today. Ammon is three years old and waiting for us in China, in the rural hills of Anhui province. We are hoping to travel and finally be able to hold him in person the first part of November. We invite you to join us on this journey as we chronicle his transition into HIS family, OUR family.

Stefani, his Mama