Calm Ammon? Its kind of freaky actually

Ammon has been on his new meds (these ones are approved for children!) since 1/9/07 and I really see a huge difference in his behavior, his impulse control and his overall demeanor. At first, it was almost unnerving to see him behave! We wondered, "Who is the real Ammon? The 100 miles an hour, cannot transition, easily distraught Ammon? Or the much calmer one that was almost sluggish to that point that it was just freaky?" Luckily, he has evened out and we are seeing a more balanced little boy....at home anyway. We did go to pack meeting yesterday and they played a game in the gym and well, his run amok ways returned. But the other day we were able to stay at Walmart for over an hour because he was behaving so lovely.

The first week of his new meds he broke out into a rash, had diarrhea, and really lost his appetite but we aren't seeing that much now. He is such a delightful little boy and when he grins and says, "See ya!!" You just melt. He gets so very excited about the bus when he sees it coming that he breaks out into continuous giggles. The bus ladies can't help but cackle too. When he comes home and see us again, its like, "Wow!! You mean I get to see you guys again?! I haven't seen your forever! Lets have a great reunion."

He still has very, very creative ways to play. He really doesn't touch the toys we have but loves every day items. I've posted a picture of what he loves to do with paperclips. He sticks them straight up in the carpet and likes to make patterns according to color and size.

And do you think the pizza sauce can make a person drunk? He has decided that he can't get enough pizza and the picture shows it! What a crack up.

Ah, we just love this little boy and it really unnerves me that his behavior was so terrible that Connie, our guide, tells the families who have traveled after us that he was a "little devil" and she told me he is the only child that has never listened to her. It was true!! He really was tremendously difficult. But how much of that was from being on the wrong medication? What if we decided he was just too much to handle and what he really needed was not a change in famlies but a change in medication? That makes me shiver.

Ammon's formal education has begun

And school days have begun! For the next 14 years Ammon will be part of the public education system. What a treat for him to begin his path towards knowlege with such fabulous teachers and a team of great support!

Ammon qualifies for Early Intervention on every testable level. But we all are confident he will progress quickly and in a year from now at his new IEP, we will be delighted with his progress.

Ammon and Mama went to school today and we found out some things about him and school:

1. Ammon is not afraid in the school setting. He entered with a huge smile.

2. The smile quickly turns to tears when its time to put the toys away and standing and crying in front of the closed toy closet is not beneath him.

3. Ammon LOVES the marble toy. He will send the marbles down the track again, and again, and again and again, ad nauseum.

4. Ammon HATES circle time where you have to sit in his chair. The good news is he only yelled "DA SHI YA!!" at his teacher one time. This is his word for "I REALLY HATE THIS!!" His teacher was prompted to comment, "I don't think he has had much experience sitting down." Uh, likely.

5. Ammon actually likes Vienna sausage but the pretzels aren't happen' for him. And he learned that his classmates will not take too kindly to him stealing their water cups. They will growl and send him back to his own seat.

6. Ammon LOVES his physcial therapy time of riding bikes, jumping on trampolines, walking the beam, learning to jump and throwing balls....at his teachers head. OOPS!

7. Ammon will need a one on one aide for a while to try to keep him on, near, under, around his chair instead of heading to the door and trying to turn the knob while repeating, "Ta Nah, Ta Nah Nah, Ta Nah" meaning, "Open this danged door and let me out of here!"

8. Ammon is all for riding the big bus. It made Mama very sad to see him jump on the bus with nobody he had ever met, wave goodbye to me with a big smile and have no problem with me getting off the bus without him. He was so calm on the ride he fell asleep as Mama followed the bus home. But he didn't have a clue where I was and it didn't bother him. It sure bothered me to know how he is not afraid to be alone because he's had to depend on himself his whole life. Good for his strong spirit. May he always be ready to step into new adventures but may he learn to be more dependent on a small circle of people that want to cry when he gets on a bus without them.

Baby Haydin Stephen Hill DOB 1/12/07

Look at this sweet face and teeny tiny toes! This precious grandson of ours is Haydin Stephen Hill born Friday, January 12, 2007. He weighed 6 lbs and 13 ounces and is doing just what newborns do best...sleep, cry, eat, diaper change. Sleep, cry, eat, diaper change. Sleep, cry, eat diaper change. Isn't he magnificent?!

His mother Katie is just doing a fabulous job as a new Mommy and we are proud of her down to our toes. And might I add, I think she had to be one of the most beautiful Mama's having just gone through labor and delivered a baby. She is amazing!

Welcome, welcome baby boy!

One month home today...still has its struggles

   We have been home one month today with our dearest youngest son.  While
I love with my whole heart, I'm most happy to see we have hit this
mark.  We are now halfway through the "two months just survive each day
after adoption phase".  Remember how we will remind you families that
the first two months are really hard and not to expect anything more
successful that just getting through each day?  You won't feel "normal"
for at least two month post adoption.  It doesn't matter how many times
you've been through this process.  It holds true for all of us.

I'm not complaining to you (yes, venting I am to people who understand
what I'm experiencing), but I feel its really important for families who
have just arrived home to know that this "unnormal" is the normal the
first two months home and that they aren't failing as parents or as a
family.  If you have yet to adopt and this will be your first
experience, please put these words in the back of your brain to pull out
for later reference.

Frankly, I am still very tired.  Physically and emotionally I'm quite
wilted.  In fact, I'm so tired that through my mind randomly runs the
thought, "Getting hit by a bus would have its advantages.  A nice long
coma in a private room hospital bed sounds so relaxing".  These are the
things that make me most tired:

The bundle of arms and legs kicking and squirming all night long in MY
bed because sleeping in the bed NEXT to mine is not close enough to
comfort an anxious child (I mean two here.  The newly adopted child and
the just displaced child who is trying to protect her turf)

Waking up at 4 AM to take a little one potty who then decides that Kix
and soup are necessary before returning to sleep just in time for me to
have to up and ready to get the other kids off to school.  Bleary eyed I
go for the remainder of the day.

Being the new jungle gym for a child who doesn't know boundaries and
LOVES the idea of having a mother to cuddle, stand on, dig elbows into,
climb upon, as he learns how to skinship since he doesn't now quite know
how.  The wet, slobbery kisses are treasures BUT when they continue for
20 minutes at a time and my face is starting to prune, its time for a
breather.

Never having even one second of physical or emotional alone time.  Its
the newly mothered child shadowing you, standing within two inches of
you as you toilet and shower or pounding on the door to get in if you
DARE shut the door on them because they can't bear to have you out of
their line of vision because a mother (or sometimes two or three) has
done that to them before and they remember.  On some level they are
petrified this is going to happen to them again.  They have the right to
be afraid.  And we are responsible to help them learn that THIS MAMA
ALWAYS COMES BACK.  If its not the newly adopted child needing you then
it is the other children who have been patiently (or not so patiently)
waiting for their turn to get part of their mother.

Too much time chasing a child in waiting rooms, doctors offices, blood
labs, EEG labs, immunization centers, pharmacies, language evaluations,
physcio-motor evaluations, school admission meetings, et al.  We haven't
even attempted church yet!

Returning to work the day after arriving home because working for a
non-profit with time sensitive responsibilities like matching children,
collecting LOI's and writing Basic Info Letters, sending out dossiers,
learning about and explaining new rules changes, means that there are no
others without their own loads to be able to do this as quickly.  So
this is all done with a 3 year old sticking post its on your face and
drawing over your chair mat because he doesn't start school until next
week.  So work is also early in the morning and late at night so I can
do this while he is sleeping.

Trying to shop with two little ones who both want the same seat in the
cart.  And since they both want the cart you have no room to put
anything you want to buy.  So you stack it on top and then crash through
the aisles to checkout.  Only to know that once you get to the car you
have to try to get the groceries AND the children back in the vehicle.

Craving really good Mexican food you haven't eaten in weeks but can't
because the thought of wrestling your new child to stay in his seat at
the restaurant is not appetizing.  Leaving him home means that the
siblings have to listen to him cry because he is afraid that Mama is not
going to come back.

Not being able to share your complaints with other who haven't been
there because they reply, "You asked for this!"

YES! I did ask for this beautiful, spirited, warm, smart and happy
child and I would do it again in a heartbeat.  Its just that this part
of the process is tiring and yes, sometimes hard.  Its okay to share
that it is because IT IS.  For each of us.  Every time.

Ammon's trip to the neurologist

Ammon has started on his road to testing. On Friday, we had his language evaluation done. No question he'll qualify for Early Intervention Preschool. He tests 18-24 months old developmentally in his NATIVE language, obviously much lower in English. Neither score even makes the "chart" as chronologically he is 3 years, ten months and five days old. So he is about 2 full years behind. We will have his large motor assessment done next week. He walks, runs, crouches, jumps (meaning he cannot), and does stairs just like toddlers do. So his motor skills are pretty consistent with his language skills. My husband and I had him pegged at this developmental age after the first day with him. Yeah for parental intuition being right.

Am I concerned? Yes. Am I distressed? No, not yet. Through my own experience through the years and also shown in studies of children adopted after the age of two years old, most of the children are behind when they arrive home. Most of them are still a little behind even after one year home. But, by two years home, the majority are starting to catch up to their peers. We still have 18 months before kindergarten and we have a great school helping him and lots of siblings modeling behavior and language. We'll keep taking those baby steps forward.

Ammon also has some behaviors that are on the autistic spectrum. (ie hand waving, stacking and sorting obsession, difficulty in transitioning, lack of language, etc.) but these can also be institutional behaviors. We aren't sure yet where he stands on that but we'll keep tracking him.

Now, the neurologist is a wonderful man. I'm really glad we have in as part of our team. I knew I liked him right off and then he told me that he adopted a 3 and 5 year old from Haiti 6 months ago. (He first met the children at an orphanage in Haiti and it took nearly two years to get them home. OUCH!) He looked at Ammon's EEG from China and it shows a global abnormality but the description of our seizure sounded like a focal issue. He also gave us a starting point for his new medicine. Then he sent us to the EEG room. What a delight! Yes, my tongue is firmly in my cheek. Can you imagine getting 27 electrodes on his head without him pulling them back off as quickly as they go on? Finally, they got them on and wrapped his head up like a mummy and said, "Okay, can you make him take a nap now?" Uh, hardly! We had to settle for 30 minutes of "semi-quiet staying on the bed" instead. They did tell me that I was likely right that an MRI unsedated would not work. LOL! Yep, that would be right. So, we have an appointment to go get an MRI under sedation. (Can you see Ammon with his panic in small spaces being put in an MRI machine while concious? Me neither!)

It took us all afternoon at the hospital and he was exhausted yet hyper when we got home. He had another seizure at 5:30 am on Tuesday morning. This time it was all on his left side. Dang. That does seem to show us this is going to be a global issue, not a focal issue.

Ammon has his admission to preschool meeting next Wed. afternoon and should be starting daily pre-school days after that. YEAH! He will really thrive there.

Tuesday morning we were able to get an appointment at Shriners to have Lan's braces adjusted because they are giving her blisters and we were able to visit Marcia there waiting for Anna to finish her double hip surgery. Thanks for the visit Marcia!

Katie has been to the hospital three times the past four days but they keep sending her home. So, bun still in the oven

Ammon's first seizures at home

Ammon is back to his high energy and playful grins tonight but Friday we experienced our first seizures with him and ended up spending the afternoon and night in the emergency room.

We knew that if Ammon indeed has a seizure disorder that we would be seeing one relatively soon as we are needing to wean him off his current meds that he's been on in China as they don't give that medication to children here in the US. They do give it to adults in the US but to treat Bi-polar Disorder, not seizures.

I have now been initiated into the world of "seizure management". We were shopping at Wal-Mart on Friday afternoon with Ammon and Lan. Ammon slumped over and I thought maybe he had fallen asleep but when I took his head in my hands his look was just "off". I gathered him in my arms and I could feel him shaking. There was no jerking, just shaking. I held him until he opened his eyes and when he did they seemed to be stuck looking towards the right. Then he vomited. I took him home and put him on our bed where my husband held him while I called the doctor as we had planned when we started weaning his meds. The doctor told us to continue watching him. Ammon once again vomited and then had another seizure, followed by another and then another. By now the eyes had started ticking, the mouth had drawn down and began salivating and his right arm and leg had starting to twitch and jerk. The doctor advised us to take him directly to the emergency room and that we did.

As I sat with him in my arms waiting for the doctors to come get us from the Waiting Room, I looked into his contorted face and then his ticking eyes that held no recognition for anything occurring around him I asked myself, "Here we are. Are you really ready for this?" And I never felt more certain that our decision to adopt him was right. Oh, how this boy deserved and needed a family! How blessed we are to be able to help him. His tiny right hand gripped mine tightly and would not let go as it jerked and convulsed. How could I not be right there for him? All my Mama Bear instincts wanted to hold on to him as tightly as I could an give him every chance to get help. Through my thoughts kept running, "How many times has this happened to you without a hospital down the street? Have you had to endure these alone? I'm sure you have. That will never happen again my son. We will ride this thing with you at every step Little Goober".

We were called into a room and they quickly put oxygen on him and hooked him up to vitals. Amazingly the seizures stopped as soon as they gave him the oxygen. What a trick! They had a hard time hooking up his IV to get some blood work done before they gave him some hydration. He was so unhappy but the nurse showed me how his vitals calmed down every time I talked to him so my husband and I just kept talking to him eventhough he seemed to be sleeping. As active and exhausting as he can be, to see him so small and quiet in the hospital bed was much harder for me. (Now that he is back to his old roar and go self, I have to keep reminding myself of that!)

The next morning Ammon wanted to sit on my lap and shower me with kisses. He hasn't done that before. That made me smile. It made him smile too. As a side note, when I came home Lan said, "You kissed Ammon all day and only kissed me a couple of times". I responded, 'I was at the hospital and you didn't even see us. How do you know I kissed Ammon?' She gave me a long hard look and said, "I know you." That just made me laugh. Yep, I guess know me she does.

We now know some other things too.
1. Ammon has a seizure disorder that requires medication and we pretty much now know how much he needs.
2. We handled our first experience well and know that we can absolutely meet this need. We have wonderful family doctor and hospital that can take good care of him. We have an appointment with the pedicatric neurology dept at Primary Children's Hospital in SLC but that won't be until 3/5/07. We'll have his EEG and other results then to compare with his Chinese reports. I'm interested to see how well, or not, they correlate.
3. We love Ammon. We would sell the moon for him.