And thus we have moved forward. Lan has been in surgery for 30 minutes now. I wonder what is happening in the operating room as I compose my thoughts.
Lan was a trooper, far more ready than I had even imagined. How would we have known that the child with overwhelming and paralyzing timidity and anxiety that we brought home from China would march forward with such determination and courage? It built step above small, sometimes faltering step, and she arrived at this point prepared to face this pain and the loss.
We have been preparing for this day for years and actively getting ready since this past January. We had the professional photos done, we talked extensively about what was ahead. We had intended to have an impression made of her foot but hadn’t coordinated that yet so when the phone call came on Monday 4/14 that her surgery was being moved up and we needed to be in Salt Lake City THE NEXT DAY to check in at Shriner’s we had to scramble!
As it worked out, we called our dentist and he told us he would be happy to help and to bring Lan in the following morning before we left for Salt Lake and he would make the impression. When we arrived there all the assistants in the office lined up to help mix the geltate and give Lan encouragement. The impression turned out impressively! And it is even in Lan’s favorite color. It is amazing to me the detail of each tiny line and bump and toenail. I can hold it in my hand like I often did her foot. It gives ME comfort to have something to handle and hold that I have loved so much for so long and now, which is gone. While it may sound creepy to some, I’m really glad that we have this.
We had a goodbye party for her baby foot Monday night. Ginger and her family came over and all the Ellison children took turn signing their names on it. It gave them all a chance to touch it and hold it for the final time. And Lan was all smiles throughout. We wrapped up that baby foot with all our love for Lan and added support for the trials that are ahead for her. We have a long road still before us.
We had intended for Stephen to take the week off from work and stay with the children except for today when he would come up very early and spend the day with us. That ended up not happening as after getting Ammon off the bus yesterday, our boy had a very intense seizure. Stephen had to use the rectal valium we were given for such situations and Ammon finally stopped seizing. But, we don't feel he can make the drive here or be left in Cedar City without a parent. Yesterday is also the 4 year anniversary of his finding day. Perhaps his body remembers that very stressful day in his life? He has been very good with seizures since the Life Flight but yesterday was another biggie.
It is now an hour and a half since Lan went into surgery. I would imagine her baby foot is now gone..... how will she respond when the thought of no foot becomes a reality?
