More fall fun....

Our first Paiute Pow Wow and ready for the opening day of SNOWBOARDING at Brian Head.

Fall pictures of Ellison odds and ends

Ammon's 2nd Adoption Birthday

And thus today marks the second anniversary of the moment we met the living, breathing, exhausting and in constant motion Ammon at the Civil Affairs offices in Hefei, Anhui, China. We got off the elevator and caught a quick glimpse of him dashing down the hallway with a caregiver in hot pursuit. He was trying to break away to the stairwell and get the heck out of Dodge. As I think about that meeting it exhausts me as if it were just yesterday....but then, just yesterday he was exhausting me too! No wonder I'm able to tap that feeling so instantly.

I have thought back through the past two years as anniversary dates lead us to do, and in some ways I see such growth. Physically he seems to get taller and his pants much shorter before my eyes. We put his adoption day clothes back on him and its startling to see how much he has grown. (I am finally updating our blog at www.ammonsadventures.blogspot.com He can run without falling so much, he doesn't spill EVERY time he touches a bowl or a cup, he has more emotions than just happy or angry, he can draw circles and attempt to write his name, he understands that the writing in books is supposed to be words, he has fallen in love with Cars, Dora, Diego, and especially the Little Einsteins. He remembered Jingle Bells way from last year! He can help load the dishwasher and does it better than his older siblings. And, he gets the GREATEST joy out of taking each cart in the parking lot and making sure they are all neatly lined up in the cart return. Needless to say, I cringe if when we pull into the supermarket parking lot there are carts scattered throughout. I know we will be there a LONG time. Please, for the sake of families with children like mine, put your cart neatly into the cart return!

But in other ways, it seems as if we have made very little progress. I honestly share with you that at times it can be daunting to consider that we are at the two year mark and that he is still so very behind his development. I held him on my lap today and I told him I was so pleased to have him home and asked him if he remembered China. He looked back at me and mimicked, " 'Member China?" What his memories are I can't ascertain because with his severe language delay I don't know what memories are still locked in his brain. He has a very good visual memory so perhaps they exist, but for actual life memories, what is stored there?

His seizures continue. He had one at school again yesterday. Its happening more often again. Each time his brain suffers those debilitating electrical storms it wipes out his short term memory. It can injure his brain and scar the healthy tissue. It can cause permanent disability. It can kill him. It makes me weep with sadness and worry.

But then, we see every single day a smile that zaps us right to the heart. We have learned to cherish each small step, each skill learned, each word added to his vocabulary, each moment we get to share with him. Has it been easy? There is nothing easy about Ammon except his smile, his hearty chuckle and the hugs that he shares with all he meets. Two years ago today I did not comprehend the changes his addition in our lives would bring to us. We see the world through different eyes. Never did we imagine how he would change us, how our priorities would have to change. In some ways our lifestyle has been severely restricted. Very little restaurants and leisure shopping for us! We can't be anywhere that is more than 15-20 minutes from a hospital in case Ammon stops breathing. And I've had to sacrifice on a personal and professional level. Its not at all that our friends have deserted us, they have been incredibly supportive, but I'm so much more limited in my time and energy. It makes me feel sadness, guilt and yes loneliness that I can't keep the connection to my friends and my extended family that I wish I could.

But in other ways we have been freed. We can appreciate small pleasures. We have had to slow down. We have had to simplify. We've learned that we have to say "NO!" to other responsibilities. (I've never been very good at that.) We have had to come face to face with the reality that any seizure at any moment on any day can take our son from us. I am determined that we will live a life with no regrets in terms of Ammon. Should he leave us too early we are committed to looking back and knowing that a full life was lived; that we made the moments matter.

I do not know what to expect in the next year, even the next month, but we will take each day as it comes, bless it, and deal the best with whatever transpires.

Happy Birthday Lan!! Dad is not well....

We love Lan!! We love Lan!! We absolutely love Lan. And we want to make sure all of you can wish her a Happy Birthday and a long and joyous life. She is an extraordinary child and we are magnificently blessed to have her be one of our life teachers.

Lan came home from China just over 4 years ago and has truly blossomed. She was such a timid and anxious little girl. To see her brave enough to make new friends and leave home to experience the world is exhilirating. We really worried she might be able to unfold her wings but she has and all too soon they will help her fly further and further from our homey nest. So we best enjoy every single second with our Sweetpea.

Sadly, she had to share her birthday with Daddy in the hospital. He is not well. But, she took it in stride and wanted to visit her dad in the hospital. This hospital stuff is getting so old....in the last 6 days we have had 4 of the Ellison's admitted to the hospital. I just want my own bed and a very, very good night's sleep. Ammon has had another very significant seizure that landed him in the hospital and Lan needed her prosthetic fixed and Caden had his two day IV treatment to strengthen his bones.

Meilo and Lan

Meilo came home from Ethiopia through CHI in May. She lives a street over and is Lan's little friend. She came over to pick up Lan today to help her walk the shortcut to her house so Lan's leg wouldn't have to work so hard going the long way. As Lan was putting on her leg and shoes to go, she looked at Meilo and said, "You are a good friend. I am so happy to have you be my friend!"

Before they left I went to the fotki site and opened the Ethiopia folder. Her English is good enough now that I can ask her questions and she can answer. I went through all the children on the site and some new pictures Darlene just sent me and Meilo was able to tell me about her friends. She would get excited and tell me things about the children she knew. She knew Meklit, Darlene's little girl and said she was "funny girl". She told me that she would hold the baby boy we have listed on fotki. She said she would hold him and made a rocking motion. She said that it would make him laugh and he was "happy boy". When she saw the baby girl and her brother we are trying to place, she got a BIG smile and repeated excitedly, "So cute! So cute!! So cute! I like her" She was able to identify some of the older girls too.

She showed me which aunties would do her hair, and that she slept on the top bunk, and told me about where they would eat. She kept saying, "That MY house. That MY house."

We will have some more files ready soon. They are being completed now. We are excited to meet more children! But please don't forget the ones that we have already waiting:

www.fotki.com/CHIWaitingkids, Ethiopia folder, password (contact me and I'll give that to you).

Yep, Caden's arm in his sling..

They sent Caden home in this sling and told us in the ER on Friday that we could keep it. Thank you! I'm SURE we will need it again so we'll keep it in good storage.

Thank heavens for the pamidronate IV drip he gets at Shriner's Hospital every four months. I tell ya, he just likes to push the limits and be a regular boy. The latest trip on Friday was for a hurt shoulder. He was pushed down while playing FOOTBALL! He is at the new school and the play ground teachers realized as soon as he was hurt that HE is the boy they can't let play these contact sports on the playground. Luckily the x-rays showed no break or crack. We sent a big note to school this morning from the doctor that states, "NO CONTACT SPORTS ALLOWED". I imagine the teachers will be more careful watching him, at least for a week or so.

This follows that last two visits to the ER we had in the last 6 weeks. The first was when he decided to jump off of Robert's top bunk and landed ribs first on the wooden footboard of his bed. No broken bones. I was sure a rib or two would be shattered like the glass his bones are like. Then about 3 weeks ago he knocked a picture off the wall and crawled up on his dresser to put it back up and did a front flip off the dresser! Thankfully no broken bones then either.

I know how you felt trying to keep him safe. He just acts without thinking through the danger. He goes again 9/24 for his next round of pamidronate and by golly, we gotta have that stuff!

Caden gets baptized and Ammon gets a name blessing

Saturday was a big day for the youngest two Ellison boys. Caden was baptized and Ammon had his name blessing. Generally name blessings are given for infants and soon after children are adopted by their parents. But, we needed to give Ammon some time to be "mature" enough to cooperate. I'm sure you can guess what we mean. All in all it went well.

Other than Ammon and Caden in a fistacuffs during our family's musical performance named "Love at Home" (yes, guess we need to work on more love at our home) and Ammon yelling to Caden in the baptismal font, "Hi Caden! Hi! Hi! Caden bath tub! Squeal. Ammon bath tub. Ammon turn!" No, not his turn and he stayed high and dry. PHEW!

You would never know that Caden almost missed his baptism due to what we thought was a broken shoulder from a football induced fall on Friday at school. Just a sprain....no breaks for cracks. We left his sling off for the photos but it went back on after. I'm sure this won't be the last time we need that sling.

Our friends' plane fell from the sky last night...

I've tried this morning as I have learned of a tragedy that happened last night to mow my lawn, fold my laundry, keep moving so my mind can try to absorb this shock but it just keeps bouncing off my brain. So I will write. Perhaps that will open the receptors and allow my heart to grieve.

My friend Lansing, his son Dallin and 6 of their medical staff was killed in a plane crash last night near Moab, Utah. They had just refueled, took off and less than two miles later went down. There is nothing left of the plane. Just a few bits of the wing and tail. It burned for four hours. My friends were on that plane. My friends are dead. Where do I take this grief? As I know that it is but a smidgeon of what my friend Lynnanne is feeling. She is the surviving wife and mother, left to deal with her own grief and comfort the surviving 3 children and her daughter-in-law. Dallin was married last year and his wife is newly pregnant. And now she is a widow even before she holds that baby. And no one can hold and kiss any of these people one last time before they are buried. There are no bodies left.

There were not any finer men than Lansing and Dallin. This spring my son Aaron was at a slumber party and got broadsided by a big exercise ball that sent him crashing into a coffee table. The host of the party called Lansing, who is our town's dermatologist, and he came right over to see if the gash needed stitches. It did. So Lansing bundled me and Aaron in his car and drove to his office at 11:30 PM and administered kindness and medical care to my son...and me. He caught as I keeled over and was ready to faint when the stitching started. He was happy to help us and I could feel that. There are not many people that would be as kind. And Dallin, there was a boy that was as fine as they come. So Lansing and Dallin leave together to the next phase of life and if any two people deserve the highest reward that comes with living a good and generous life, it is them. It is us left behind to mourn our losses that don't know how we will get through the days without them.

We are a small town in Cedar City. We have less than 30,000 people in our community. And we have lost 8 of our finest. That is a big hole in so many hearts.

As I have been learning so clearly this year, every minute must be savored, there may be no tomorrow to tell people we love them and appreciate them. Each day is a gift that we must treasure and hold close to our hearts. Actively show those you love just how much they mean to you.

And the culture says....ANTHRAX!!

When I made my New Year resolution last January 1, 2008, if I had only known what was in store for us I would have simply resolved to survive the year. This is what I didn't know we were in for and what we have faced since the first of January:

Five day video EEG mapping of Ammon's brain
Caden's overnight pamidronate IV treatment
Trip to China with agency families
Ammon's life threatening seizure and Life Flight to Primary Children's Hospital. Seizures continue
Revelation that surgery cannot help Ammon's seizure disorder
Notice that our agency was not on the Hague Accredited list
Lan's amputation
Seizures continue
Lan's recovery with a trip to Shriners that was interrupted and rescheduled due to lack of healing of stump
Caden's overnight pamidronate IV treatment
Seizures continue
Notice the agency was denied Hague accreditation and begin remediating the implications this has for our China families
Lan's new leg and rehab
IRS audit (the IRS needs me to prove all my children are actually mine)
Seizures continue
Aaron puts his finger in the rotating blender requiring more than 25 stitches
Caden's adoption (that was VERY GOOD news but still required paperwork and preparation)
Husband Stephen injures leg....has ANTHRAX

Yes, my husband has Anthrax. With all that was going on, our children didn't get the chance yet to take the waverunners to the lake all summer. Finally we have an opportunity to go. My husband put the boats in to the water and while anchoring them to shore slipped on a rock and gashed open his shin. The children just got into the water so we bandaged it up and stayed for a few hours. The leg was swelling so off to the emergency room we went but there had been a big accident on the freeway and the emergency room was packed so we decided to come back the next day.

Well, by morning the sore was oozing and could not be stitched up. Redness and swelling were moving up the leg. Stephen was put on an antibiotic. Days later my husband is still flat in bed and the leg was not getting better, just getting worse. Back to the doctor. Doctor takes a culture and we get a call from the doctor and the CDC! My husband becomes one of a handful of UT residents this year to test positive for ANTHRAX and is put on Cipro since that is the ONLY antibiotic that will be able to help.

The leg is now starting to heal but the Cipro is pretty strong and wearing my husband out. If not for the Cipro, where would we be? You think of those without access to Cipro and this could be devastating. At best the loss of a leg, at worst the loss of the life.

I could look back on the past 8 months and be very discouraged....but instead I'm encouraged. We are much stronger than we thought we were!! We aren't just surviving but doing well! My laundry is keeping caught up and we have dirty socks and underwear for EACH person in the family we started the year off with. We haven't had to go through dresser drawers and sob as we sort out clothes of a child or husband that left us.

Having looked at death in the face, my eyes view the world differently. We all know that any day could be our last but when death comes so very close, and we live with the knowledge that on any day there is the possibility Ammon could have THE BIG SEIZURE and die, well, my world is much different that what it was on January 1. I've had to consolidate my world to those things that really, truly matter. I've hung on to one word and it is my current motto, "Simplify".

Bring on the Beijing fireworks! 08/08/08

We are ready for the LUCKIEST number in China to start the Olympics with a bang. Hoping 08/08/08 will start us on our way to a better year. Lets start the party!

Lan's 2nd Adoption Birthday 2006

And further evidence of how she has grown. This was on Adoption Day 2006.

Lan's 4th Adoption Birthday 2008!!

To remind us where the time goes, we have an Ellison family tradition
that on Adoption Birthdays we put the children in the same clothes they
were wearing when we met them. You can see on the home page that in
Lan's case that darned cute jeans dress she came in has become a shirt!
It did go past her knees the first time we saw our darlin' girl. And
those sandals were too big on her then but she's grown right out of them.

Still, I can't help but ask, "Where did the time go?"

A huge Happy Adoption Birthday Miss Alexa Shaolan (LanLan)