Crutches, walker, and wheelchair

Crutches, a walker and a wheelchair fight for space in our living room. In the hospital these all looked normal and exciting. In our house, they look starkly alien. I look at these new parts waiting for Lan and it chokes my heart.

The wheelchair will only stay for another two months. The crutches and walker though, are here to stay. These are now parts of Lan's life...forever. It will still take us some time to get used to them. Never will she be able to hop out of bed and run to the bathroom without first putting on her new prosthesis or having the aid of her crutches or walker. Its kind of difficult to get used to that idea.

But, she is such a strong child! She is now only taking ibuprofen for the pain. She has quit taking the Loretab and says she is comfortable. I keep asking if she needs something for her pain because how can you have an amputation and not feel the wound throbbing? Finally Lan said to me, "Mom, it doesn't hurt as much as my foot always did. This feels better". Okay, so lets just make that evidence 527 in the "Proof I've Blown It As A Mom" book. How could I not have understood that her foot was hurting everyday more than an amputation would???

There is so much more evidence to add to the bad mom book. Children #9 and #10 have missing assignments at school of which are all due NOW, #6 is flunking English and needs that credit to graduate next month. #11 follows me around repeating, "Mom, Mom, Mom! What if there was no electricity, would we still have to go to school? What would happen if the bus forgot to bring Ammon home?" and endless variations of the "what if" scenerio.

Ammon starts shrieking each time I leave the room because he thinks I'm going away without him somewhere and Lan continously has to go to the bathroom, eat, put in a new DVD, tell me she is bored or to change the position of her pillow/blanket/wedgie underwear etc. Ammon and Lan cannot be in the same room together because Ammon has decided his job as a brother is to do anything possible to touch her bandaged leg....and hear her scream. He finds great joy in that and take his responsibility very seriously.

#5 never mentioned he got a speeding ticket until he tried to join the Navy and they told him he is on hold until the WARRANT for his ARREST is resolved...which meant a $300 check from my pocket written out to the court because the unpaid ticket went from traffic court to civil court. He thought if he ignored it long enough they would just forget about him.

Where is that 60 gallon drum of Calgon??

I thought I would finally get a little break on Sunday. I dressed all the children and knew that once they left, Lan and I would have a quiet 3 hour break. I dressed Ammon last, buttoned up his shirt and had just told him to stand still so I could put on his tie and he has a seizure. Another big one. So, Ammon joined Lan and I on our 3 hour hiatus. Usually he would sleep but for the first time ever in my experience he did not sleep. Not one wink.

We go back to Shriners tomorrow and will stay until Thursday afternoon. Its a 3 hour drive each way. They will take off her dressing and inspect the wound and then show me how to do the dressing. We'll see the wound for the first time. I can't predict how this affect Lan. I just hope I don't faint. Two months ago I came very close to hitting the floor when I had to see the stitches in #10's forehead. (Slumber party gone too wild.)

Today when Jessica came over to visit Lan wouldn't let Jessica see the bandage. She kept her blanket covering her leg in the wheelchair. She absolutely won't consider going to school until she has her prosthetic. At least that is her opinion now. Maybe she'll miss school enough to reconsider. School is that motivating for her.

So, this is how we are doing on day 5 post surgery. As hard as it is to be in the hospital, I do believe that is much easier than being home.

I don't know how we could have managed this without all the help from friends and family supporting us and encouraging us. As Mma Ramotswe says in "Miracle At Speedy Motors"

"Sometimes it seemed as if the world itself is broken, that there is something wrong with all of us, something broken in such a way that it might not be put together again; but the holding of hands, human hand in human hand could help, could make the world seem less broken"

Thanks for holding my hand.